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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334772">Murder Scarecrow and His Pissed-Off Handler</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/goreds/pseuds/goreds'>goreds</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mirage (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, although they end up on the couch sooooo, lots of profanity because at least one of these characters like his swears, not smutty sorry, only one bed trope, trapped in a safe house together with nowhere to go</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:49:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334772</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/goreds/pseuds/goreds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel screwed up a fairly simple mission, and now he and Doug are trapped in a tiny safe house somewhere in Eastern Europe. </p>
<p>Sort-of romance ensues.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gabriel Taylor/Doug Marsh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Lock Down Fest</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Murder Scarecrow and His Pissed-Off Handler</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"This fucking sucks." Doug Marsh declares as he collapses face-first into the safe house's couch.</p>
<p>"Hey, it could be worse. You could be captured. Or..." Gabriel Taylor imitates getting shot in the head, not that Doug can see him, with his face buried in a pillow.</p>
<p>"I <em>fucking hate </em>being holed up in these places. Waiting for Asgard to finally come and extract our asses. They take fucking forever." Doug always ramps up the profanity as he gets more and more frustrated. Gabriel's used to this. They've worked together for years at this point. Doug can be as crude as he is intelligent.</p>
<p>And Doug is very, very intelligent. There's a reason he's the handler, and Gabriel's the muscle. And it is technically Gabriel's fault they're now stuck in the safe house on the outskirts of some Eastern European country's smallest village. Gabriel had screwed up a standard assassination; his heart wasn't in it, but it rarely was these days.</p>
<p>Doug knows that. Doug is pissed about that. Doug's not going to let him forget it, either.</p>
<p>Gabriel explores the safe house. Fairly standard, by Asgard's standards. A little smaller than Gabriel's used to.</p>
<p>Probably a lot smaller than Doug's used to, Gabriel realizes when he goes to the bedroom and finds one bed. Not a king-size, either. Well, maybe the couch is comfortable.</p>
<p>"Aw, fuck." Gabriel nearly jumps three feet in the air; Doug snuck up behind him, because of course he did. "Seriously? One tiny bed?"</p>
<p>"I don't think they expected the two of us to get trapped here."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well I didn't expect that either, no thanks to you." Doug goes over to the bed and collapses face-first onto it, just like he did with the couch. "Fuck, I was going to say you get the couch, but this is less comfortable than that ratty thing."</p>
<p>Gabriel smirks a little, because tormenting Doug was often more fun than he should admit. Asgard would tear him a new one for botching the mission, but Doug would just be moody and pissy for the next week, until Gabriel made it up to him.</p>
<p>And Gabriel knew precisely <em>how </em>to make it up to Doug. Not that that would be easy, on either the tiny bed or the ratty couch. Maybe when they got back to LA.</p>
<p>Gabriel realizes too late that Doug is watching him, very carefully. "You're not going to be able to make this up to me easily," Doug says with a grunt.</p>
<p>"What if I was very gentle?" Gabriel smirks, wider this time.</p>
<p>"Well, not here. Fucking hell, not here. I'm going to take a nap. Wake me if you're about to get shot." Doug waltzes out of the room, collapsing once again onto the couch. He lies motionless, and Gabriel watches as the smaller man immediately starts softly snoring. Gabriel thinks Doug is cute when he sleeps, not that Gabriel would ever admit that he has any feelings of affection for him.</p>
<p>No, their relationship is purely about work and sex, no feelings allowed. It wasn't like that in Afghanistan, but they're both a long way from the war and a long time removed. Gabriel does have a picture of the two of them as his screen background, not that he's ever let Doug look at his phone. Doug probably knows, though. He's a good spy, much better than Gabriel could ever be. It's because Doug's cold and calculating, while Gabriel cares far too much.</p>
<p>Gabriel feels tired, too, and he sits down on the small bed, which really shouldn't be considered a bed. But he's slept on harder surfaces. He curls up and soon enough, is snoring, too.</p>
<p>When he wakes up, it's nighttime, and it is cold. Doug's the reason why he's awake, Gabriel quickly realizes.</p>
<p>"It is fucking freezing, Jesus fucking Christ."</p>
<p>"Is there central heat?"</p>
<p>Doug cackles, almost maniacally. "If there is, I haven't found it." Doug sits on the edge of Gabriel's bed. "You're radiating heat. Unfair."</p>
<p>"Well, I'm not a lizard man."</p>
<p>"You had wished you had my cooler body temp back in the desert. Once upon a time." Doug seems to be back in the desert for a moment, before shaking himself out of it.</p>
<p>"Wanna cuddle?" Gabriel says this is a joke, not expecting Doug to take him seriously. But Doug does.</p>
<p>"Yes, fine. I'm too cold to have any dignity. But keep your dick in your pants, Gabriel." Doug curls up next to Gabriel. The two men barely fit on the bed. Gabriel finds him chuckling softly at this situation. "What's so funny?" Doug growls.</p>
<p>"I'm just imagining the extraction team finding us in here, in bed together, me spooning you as you shiver to death."</p>
<p>"We'd put an end to all the office gossip, though. Can't be any gossip if there are eyewitnesses to reality."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but they all just think we're fucking. I doubt they imagine us cuddling." Gabriel is still chuckling.</p>
<p>"Stop that. Your just making me shake harder." Doug <em>is </em>shaking from the cold, and his teeth are practically chattering. Gabriel wraps his arms around him.</p>
<p>"Is this too affectionate?"</p>
<p>"It's damned practical right now, so you can keep doing it." Doug and Gabriel lie there, and Doug gradually stops shaking. Gabriel wonders if he should disentangle himself from Doug, but Doug doesn't move or protest, so Gabriel stays in the same position.</p>
<p>"Do you remember that one night in Afghanistan, we were on a scouting run--"</p>
<p>"I don't really want to go down memory lane right now. Don't forget, I'm still pissed at you."</p>
<p>"How long are you going to be pissed at me?" Gabriel asks softly.</p>
<p>Doug snorts and rolls over as best he can to look at Gabriel, fury in his eyes. "As long as I fucking feel like it, Gabe. You and your damned sentimental streak are what got us into this mess."</p>
<p>"The guy had a kid, the kid was right there--"</p>
<p>"I don't give a flying fuck! Now we have an entire group of Russian mobsters after us. And I have to <em>cuddle </em>with you, which I thought we were long past. Next time I order you to shoot someone, you goddamn shoot."</p>
<p>"Okay." Gabriel doesn't say anything else. This seems to infuriate Doug more.</p>
<p>"Oh, now you're gonna be the strong, stoic type? Get mad, for once in your cheery life." Doug looks like he wants to smack Gabriel, but that would be rather impossible in their current tangled state.</p>
<p>Gabriel just admires Doug's passion. Gabriel knows he screwed up. He deserves to get yelled at until the other man is hoarse. And Doug's done that before, Lord knows. Gabriel kind of wants to get Doug's dander up. So he kisses the other man on the nose.</p>
<p>Doug looks insulted. "Really? I'm furious at you, and you want to play cutesy games?"</p>
<p>"You're cute when you're angry."</p>
<p>"I'm cute?!"</p>
<p>"Okay, hot. Is that any better?"</p>
<p>"We are not having sex. Not here, not right now. That you're even trying, right now--"</p>
<p>"Too soon?"</p>
<p>Doug rolls his eyes. "There is a brain in the murder scarecrow." Doug stomps off to the couch.</p>
<p>Gabriel finds him sniffling and shivering on the couch. "Are you...okay?"</p>
<p>"I wasn't even supposed to be on this mission. HQ is worried about you, worried you're losing your edge. And now I get to report that you are. They're going to put you out to pasture, Gabe." Doug doesn't look mad now, just exhausted.</p>
<p>"Retirement wouldn't be too bad. Would you retire with me?"</p>
<p>"Where the fuck would we go?"</p>
<p>"Somewhere warm, preferably. Maybe Dubai."</p>
<p>"That's above both of our pay grades, and you know it."</p>
<p>"They're going to take me out, aren't they?"</p>
<p>Doug blinks rapidly, and Gabriel realizes he's holding back tears. "When we get out of here, you've got to run. I don't care where. Go back to that little blonde thing you like so much."</p>
<p>"Claire."</p>
<p>"Yeah, whatever. I don't care. Just don't get yourself killed."</p>
<p>"I won't." Gabriel means it.</p>
<p>"I'm not going to take that as a promise, because you are shitty at keeping them, clearly."</p>
<p>"You should come with me. They'll probably take you out of commission now."</p>
<p>Doug snorts. "Unlike you, I'm good at my job. They'll put me down when I'm too old to do this and even then, they'll probably just keep me under wraps at HQ. I'll be fine."</p>
<p>Gabriel sits down next to Doug on the couch, slinging an arm around the other man's shoulders. "I'm sorry I fucked up, Chief."</p>
<p>Doug looks at Gabriel, searching his eyes for something Gabriel can't quantify, before kissing Gabriel with a passion Gabriel hasn't felt since Afghanistan. Gabriel doesn't quite kiss back. Doug breaks away from him. "You're an idiot. So am I. This should've just stayed as sex. But I..."</p>
<p>"Look, Doug, we all know that you're...well, that you're--"</p>
<p>"Who's we?"</p>
<p>Gabriel is at a loss for words. He just assumed that Doug knew most of Asgard believed he was gay. Gabriel mostly just fucks Doug for the experience; he's not gay. Right?</p>
<p>"So Asgard gossips behind my back. That's fun. But if I am, you are too."</p>
<p>"I am?"</p>
<p>"Fucking hell, you are so stupid, it's a wonder I never fucked any of my smarts into you. We fuck each other. What, you just thought that made us bros with benefits?"</p>
<p>"You were never affectionate before--"</p>
<p>"I never had a reason to! You did your job, I did mine, both of us kept our noses clean, and we stayed safe. But now you're...now you're--"</p>
<p>"Compromised." Gabriel's fate is starting to settle in, now. He's doomed, no matter how hard Doug tries to keep him afloat.</p>
<p>"Yes," Doug rasps.</p>
<p>Gabriel suddenly just wants Doug, in a way he hasn't felt in a long time. If he's to be doomed, he'd like one last treat before he goes down. Gabriel grabs Doug and kisses him, and Doug kisses him back. Gabriel pins Doug down on the couch, and the two do what they do when they're both frustrated. They fuck, because at this point? That's all that can be done.</p>
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